This time of the year SUCKS

I really fucken hate this time of year. The amount of bad compare to the amount of good in my life is overwhelming. Among the negative things is my mom and dad's death, multiple grandparents, my several friends. This year alone has seen the death of a cousin, having to put down one of the best pets I've ever had and more money issues then I care to think about. And that just me, I know multiple friends who have had in the family recently and major medical issues this year.

Right now I can help but wonder if we have so many holidays around this time in the rare hopes that it will help offset all the suckage that happen this time of the year.

Now don't get me wrong, there are good memories from this time also. A year ago this last Sunday I married Brit and it’s the one shining moment I can hold on to right now.

Today when I took Brit to lunch after putting Falcor down I realize just how low I was feeling when I order a Whiskey and coke without a second thought. I rarely drink Alcohol these days and I can't remember the last time I had an alcohol before the sun went down, let alone before noon.

Worse part is I don't care, and once I get through legal contracts I need to do for work I think I'm going to break out something strong and let go.

Right now I'm so angry and pissed off I really just want to hit something till it breaks.

Death of a young man and thoughts on death

I need to write before I explode so please bare with me or feel free to skip over this message.

Last night I learned that someone I knew died. Worse he died in the second worse manor I know and the one that is by far most pointless and saddening. He took his own life.

He was a teenager who was at one of the hardest points in life and on the cusp of life become amazing. Sadly he didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and a large part of me plays the what if game concerning that. I know that stupid but doesn't stop my brain from doing it.

Scooter was someone I barely gotten a chance to know, but yet affected me profoundly. He was Brit's cousin and I've met him less than a handful of times. But each time I was impressed with the fact that he was a young man trying to become a man who had a good heart.

Whenever I hung out with him he would ask advice, suggestions and a number of socially awkward questions but good ones about things he will need to know in life.

When I was planning the wedding I made a list of the top ten people I would ask to stand with me that day with so that no matter how many Bridemaids Brit had, I have someone to escort each. Scooter was on that list. In the end I didn't need all 10 and I asked those that didn't make the final cut to be ushers. I could all but feel the excitement from Scooter when I called him and asked. It clearly meant a lot to him that I would trust him to do something that was clearly an adult thing.

Brit's gone num with the news and currently sleeping. This morning we took the day off and went out for breakfast where we occasionally talk, generally about something that lead to the subject of death, or just sat their quietly.

I've known for less than 24 hours and my brain is still trying to wrap around it. No matter how much I try to distract myself I keep thinking about it. Picturing what happen which is a pure fantasy is as I've never been to scooters house.

It's also made me think a lot about people I've lost over time. Which I've lost a lot of people I've realize today. Each one has been different, but it's like each one adds a bit more to this reservoir of feeling about such things that has been building in me since I was a child and remember the first person dying on me.

I know there is very little I can do to stop death and long ago accepted that it's the place that everyone road eventually leads them. I can hope that how that it will change, but also know how destructive that would be.

Doesn't change how I feel.

I keep going back and forth between wanting to just curl up and need to get up and move around.

Most of all I can see how much my wife is hurting and wish I could make that go away.

So many wishes and not a magic lamp or ring in sight.

Random Update

Haven't really posted since my wedding and feel bad about that considering how much has happened.

Brit and I are getting settle in thought there a rough patches now and then. Mainly it's just integrating our habits and preferences concerning things. They say any relationship is give and take. But it’s odd that once you married that becomes more so. I can't explain why but after the wedding living together had a different feel. Not a bad feel mind you, I love Brit and wouldn't trade her for the world. But it's odd.

I'm still going to the gym though for a while I took a break. When I got back from Rome I hurt my neck and for about 2 months didn't go to the gym while it healed. It’s still sore now and then but it’s much better. The best guess is that carrying my camera around like I was on my next strap tweaked it. I know picking up the 28 pound turkey for thanksgiving is what did it in.

Recent changes to the house include some new furniture Brit picked up, blinds and curtains. It’s looking really nice and Craig says that I’m a real adult now because I have curtains.

Speaking of Craig, he proposed to Kim which I’m really excited for them. Sadly they are planning to move to North Carolina in July. I’m going to miss them a lot.

Currently working on the project of clearing up Brit’s and my debt, right now, not count the car and house we have about 17K of debt. About half of which is Brit’s, but all hers is lower interested rates then my debt. We got a really good tax return coming so we’re hoping to take a chunk out of that this month.

On the 17th looking forward to strapping on a jet pack. My wonderful wife and family bought me a gift certificate for Christmas to try out a cool water propelled jet pack.

Wedding to Rome Day 2

So I am married now. Saturday I got married to Brit in a wonderful ceremony at the Cummer Museum in Jacksonville. We had a few minor bumps but everything turned out well in the end.

We spent our wedding night in the Riverview Inn which was wonderful place. The only down side is it’s an older house with small stairs and Brit twisted her ankle on them. Wouldn’t be that bad except that we got on a plane shortly after so there was no easy way to put her foot up. We tried a number of odd positions so she could rest but none worked out well.

The hotel in Rome, Hotel Fiume is wonderful. The room is actually rather large for European hotel rooms with a very large bathroom and a really comfortable bed. We end up getting a few hours’ sleep when we got in and then went exploring for several hours mostly through one of the parks.

On the way back we found a quiet little family restraint near our hotel that had some wonderful food.

Today we got up early, and after a bit of trouble getting out the door we got on the bus to head start our day. Regrettably we got on the northbound bus instead of the southbound bus and thus were an hour late to meet our guide.

Francesca Caruso who is our guide however was very understanding and was just happy we got there safely. We spent the entire day with her. She took us through San Clemente, the Colosseum, Capitoline Hill, Palatine Hill and the Patheon.  She was very patience with us. At first I was snapping pictures where I could, but Brit quickly claimed to Camera and so Francesca and me talking about the history of the place and life. She not only told the area story, but taught us how to tell what was new and old. Also how to read the stories depicted. It was an amazing time and I can’t wait for Thursday when she takes us through the Vatican.

After Francesca left Brit and I hung out at the Patheon for a while. Then as Brit wasn’t ready to call it a day we walked first to the Trevi Fountain follow by the Spanish steps. After which we end up walking back to the hotel. In the course of the day, we walk half way across Rome.

For dinner tonight Brit and I found another quiet restraint near the hotel. I end up with a platter of meat follow by an amazing pizza with spicy salami.

Tomorrow’s plans are still up in the air, but likely going to wander and hit a museum.

House, Butterflies and Pumkins

So, currently I have some sites down due to a hosting company issue. Lots of people asking about it, but nothing really I can do. Thus seems like a good point to post to the Blog.

Been a busy time since I first posted.

One the exercise front I’ve stuck with it. I’ve gone at least 4 times every week in the morning and been several time in the evening with Brit / Char. Last Wednesday I went in and talked with one of the people that manage the personal trainers. After an example work out I went ahead and signed up for five classes.  So far I’ve done two. Friday we worked on my legs and they still hurt today. This morning we worked on my abs. Which are sore, but I have a feeling at going to feel worse tomorrow.

Right now my plan is when I get back from Rome I’m going to stick with it and continue to work out.

Brit’s starting to get settle in. We’ve bumped heads a couple times on changes and getting things done. She very much in go mode but there only so much money we can put out right now for such things. We very much want floor to seeing built in shelves but looking at the wood costs that not going to happen right now.

We however did manage to paint the office a really nice teal green. Took a while to do though thanks to the drywall sucking up the paint. We primed it, did 2 coats of paint and I still had to go back and touch up light spots. But it looks pretty good.

We also put up temporary shelving in the Library. Its wood boards with cinder block risers. But it works well for the moment and meant we could unpack a number of things. We’re still going to do real shelves when we can, the only question is whether I build them or buy them.

This weekend besides painting I got to go out a bit and have fun. Saturday morning Char, Brit and me went to the butterfly festival at the Fort Myers Butterfly Garden. It was small but a lot of fun. End up winning a few things in their Raffle.

Saturday I went with Char, Troy, Gavin, and Char’s extend family to the pumpkin patch at Lakes Park. It was small but was fun. Took lots of pictures which I have yet to have a chance to look at but am hopeful.

The camera that Brit’s father gave me is really nice and I’m having a blast with it. When I see him next week I look need to remember to express my thanks for it. I didn’t realize how much I missing doing photos.

Of things I miss, I also didn’t fully realize how much I missed swimming. LA Fitness has a pull and being able to take a dip after working on is a wonderful things.

Day of Change

Today is a day for change. Last night I signed up for the gym and I went for the first time this morning. I choose LA Fitness not because I think they are better or even the most convenient to me but because Brit has a membership already there and Char getting one. When I toured them last night and saw they had a pool that sold me on doing so.

Why the sudden desire to start going to a gym? Photos. Linda Olsen who is our wedding photographer took some pictures of us at the venue walk through last week. They were wonderful. However I realized looking at them how bad my gut had gotten and though I’m not very vane, I’d like my wedding photos to be nice and thus decided to work on that. I suspect it’s not something I will do forever and I know there only so much I can do in the few weeks I have, but I can do anything for 30 days I want to and thus I’m going to start going to the gym regularly.

I did so this morning. Spent only about 5 minutes on the bike, about the same on one of the other cardio machines and then went for a swim. I should have done more but I realize after 10 minutes of heavy cardio how far out of shape I was and I wanted to use the pool a bit before I left. Got about 20 minutes in at the pool before I had to get cleaned up and head home to grab char for work.

I’m tired, but I feel good. Tonight Char and Brit are planning to hit the gym and I’m going to go with them. My goal is to go every morning before work, and on days Char and Brit join me go light, then do a heavier work out with them in the evening.

One of the things I have to figure out is a good workout schedule. I’ve never really used a gym before and I have no real idea about how to use half the stuff there, when to use it and so on. I may get a session with a trainer just so I can get an idea of it.

I’m also working on my diet. I’ve cut most bread out of my diet over the weekend and I’m going to avoid sweets and stuff. I need to figure out how to switch to 5 meals a day instead of 2-3, but that a bit trickier because of my schedule.

When I got to work today I was going to post to G+ and maybe Facebook about starting at the gym and update there regularly. But I realized that since I no longer use Live Journal, I don’t have a place to put random thoughts. So I decided to start a blog. Not sure how actively I will post here or what all I will post, but if you’re reading this I hope you enjoy whatever I do.

BTW, for those of you in Fort Myers area, I’m going to the LA Fitness in Gulf Coast Town Center. If you ever need help getting motivated and want someone to work out with let me know.  Like I said, my goal is every morning and then after work now when the girls go. But I’m all for adding a bit more to help others. Cat from work already expressed and interested.

Oh, and for those that have never read my musing before, I apologize now for my grammar and spelling. I’m writing this in Word, so yes, I am spelling and grammar checking it. But I’ve proven regularly that I can break such programs.